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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I hate Old Spice. Here are the reasons why.

1. You do not smell like spice (False advertising, I am going to sue you).

2. You do however, smell old.
  • Thats nasty.
  • I now smell like death.
  • The old guy sitting in the lobby now thinks I am his long dead best friend. Thanks. Assholes.
3. The plastic casing is red and the deoderant itself is blue.
  • My fashion sense is sensative, and your contrast of colors is an impediment of good looking things everywhere. Someone should sue you for this.
4.  I do not own a sailboat, and your logo with said sailboat hurts my feelings.
  • Fuck you.
5. Your deoderant gave me rash under my armpit once.
  • Thank your gods that I did not use this on my pubes.
  • Also, I am going to sue you for this, again. I also took pictures. I have evidence. 
So it seems Old Spice, my once dear friend, that we are at an impass. My need to sue you and your continued need to suck have reached a boiling point. Arm your pens and draw your contracts because today, you messed with the wrong body odor.

I call a jihad on you Old Spice, on one dirty perspired drip at a time.

*Note to the US/Canadian/EU governments: I am not a terrorist. And I apologize for the jihad comment. No more I promise.

PS: Please take me off your list. Paweese?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Old spice smells nice, and it is not responsible for your sensitivity :)


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