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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

My leg is shaking uncontrollably right now.

Im staring at it as we speak and it is bouncing up and down in maniced anxiety. I can almost count the bops if I concentrate hard enough. 1234567891011121314. Damnit. Only if my leg would slow down so I could keep up. Fucking cunt.

What if my leg, for whatever reason, decides to break off my hip and hop away? I suppose it would be more of a flop as the principles of balance and gravity would have to be taken into account, but still, where do you suppose it would go? Barbados maybe. My leg looks like the type.

I bet I have a duracell battery in my calf somewhere. Those sneaky buggers probably came into my appartment in the quiet dim of the night to inject a sick syrum straight into my vein. Fucking bunny. I'll never buy a lithium battery again.

I can't imagine this obtouse shaking has anything to do with an excessive energy trying to compel a body into spasm. But then again who knows, this brain has done stranger things. I want to say I can control the bopping, Im sure I can, but these past 5 minutes has turned into an addiction of sorts. So in the end, who controls who?

Damnit leg, cut it out. I want to stop typing.

Friday, October 22, 2010

In that kind of mood.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Light the fire that is in your head.

Writers Block.

It has been a long time since I have broached the topic of elephants so it is now, with slight trepidation, that I bring to you the first in a long line of episodes I like to call, Elephants, The Mysterious Loggers.

The first in our series is, Black Diamond. Weighing nine tons, Black Diamond was famed to be the largest Indian elephant in captivity. Although a strong able worker, Black Diamond was prone to severe fits of aggression and rage. In an attempt to combat such unbriddled aggression, the handlers chained Black Diamond to two calm female elephants. Nothing like a little bit of lady love to ease the ego back am I right folks? Neverthless, Black Diamond was shot and killed a little while later when he threw the circus owner, Eva Speed Donohoo, over a box car. His head, now stuffed and mounted, can be seen at a museum in Houston, Texas.

Next time on Elephants, The Mysterious Loggers: Murderous Mary. A cautionary Tale.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Remember Dunkaroos?

And how absolutely awesome they were? They used to be one of the few staples of my childhood that I still to this day, crave with every fiber of my being. The chocolate and vanilla frosting with the cookie shaped crisps! OH MY GOD. This, alongside cheese string and fruity pebbles, made every day a day to look forward to. 

As I type this out another thought strikes me, isn't it a little sad that we bookmark our childhood by the consumer products that entered into it? Im sure at some level this leads to a discourse about sociological decay and the fixation of man on media but truthfully why would I mar my memories with such jaded views? 

Damnit life. 

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I forgot how much of a pain in the ass transit is.

And I also forgot how easily you get used to it. Sometimes the buses come, other times they don't. Not much you can do about it really. Just sit quietly until the notch on the schedual rings it chime. You know what's the worst though? When you JUST miss the bus and end up sitting on a bench for another 20 or so minutes, doing absolutely nothing but twiddling your thumbs and thinking about the extra sleep. It is often at this mark that another person nochelantly strolls up and stands beside you.

That is when I start to get frustrated. Who in their right mind shows up to a bus stop early? What are you, organized? I don't need this type of belligerence in my life. Especially the type that gets thrown down to me at a bus stop that didn't work around my schedual. Fuck off.

I do however like the fact that I can read again. Or atleast, pretend to. Most of the time though I stare off into space listening to the pitter patter of a stranger's conversation.

Why yes, I would like to know what Brian did to Becky last night. Oh he IS a hermaphadite whore! How interesting. 

So here is to you BC transit. Your overpriced tickets and un-reasonable operating hours have entered into my life once again. Chin Chin my good friend. *Clink*

PS: It's not that bad really. Just. I miss my vehicle.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

What are you staring at?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hate Mail #3

Dear POF hacker,

You dun fucked up son. You shouldn't have done it, but you did. You hacked my POF account. For that I condense to you this strongly worded letter. Fuck you. Fuck your mother. Fuck your sister who no doubt has already fucked your mother. Incestuous relationships. Bet your ass I went there.

Are you jealous of me? Is that why you deleted all those messages from all those sexy women? Those many many (read: 2) women? You must have hated the fact that I was talking to them, while you, the fucking toolbag from across the computer screen, were not. Some poor mishapen boy bullying the only way he can.

Suckle on your mommas teat a little longer little boy, cause thats the closest you are going to get to one for a long time.

Ass. Hole.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Who knew laundry could be this expensive.

$1.75 per wash! The audacity of Wendzel Developments! How could you delve into such extraneousness pricing? Who do you think you are? Halliburton?!

I can understand a recession, as I can understand a tax hike for a new water plant but $1.75?? Are you clinically insane? Bunch of jokers running this building.

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