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Monday, August 31, 2009

This is what happened to Mr. Rogers when he got fired.

This video is pretty creepy and has turned me off Ice tea forever.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Oh Jerusalem

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Some asshole told me my writing sounded forced today..

You know what Mr. Asshole? How about I force this fist ==: (yes thats a fist don't even try to deny that shit) up your ass? Or how about I just punch you in the face instead? Wait are an asshole right? So why don't we take this pineapple I conveniently have laying around and shove that up your poophole?!


Fascist fuck.

Listen, even if my writing sounds forced at-least I attempt to encompasses the entirety of the human experience in one boundless sentence. You on the other hand just sit there in your leather bound chair smoking your fancy corn-cob pipe continuing to not give a shit.

Fuck you dick.

I am the mother fucking Mahatma Ghandi of the artistic world. You on the other hand are the anti-synthesis of all I hold dear. Barney wouldn't even hug your sorry ass.

You wanted succient sentences that melt into your mouth like so many soft pieces of tenderloin? How about this instead:

Mmm bop mmm bop.
Suck me off you stupid fuck.
mmm bop.


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Some words just look odd written down.

Take "cancel" for example. Im not sure what it is, but it just looks like it belongs within a different language you know?

Leave it to the gentle curves of the c's to sooth my beating heart. Only their sloping arches can stop a man in his tracks and stare in wonder. And there stands L. Lonely and proud he stands, head turned at dollops left in his wake.

Its a nice word.

cancel cancel cancel cancel cancel

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I farted in a Safeway today.

Ch. 1

Im not too sure what to say, as I don't really remember most of what happened. I have however managed to piece together the particulars of the event based on testimonials of both the police and my sobbing father. I honestly don't think any of this is necessary, but Dr. Monroe has informed me that sharing close personal information with strangers on the internet can begin the healing process and start the path towards great personal success.

Let me preface the entirety of what I am about to spout out next, by saying that since childhood I have suffered from a terrible affliction. This sickness has ruined my young life more times than I care to imagine and contrary to popular belief, Consecotaleophobia is nothing to shake a stick at. Often described as the Japanese cultural serial killer, this phobia is the basis of my racism and has intensified my hatred towards the Jewish people. Yes, I said it. Fuck the Zionists.

Now I realize the following tale may require a suspension of disbelief, but my medical bracelet and shattered ego does not lie nor take kindly to those smug looks on all your faces. This is a very serious matter and I hope that something like this never begets your mothers sons or comes up in your weekly mahjong meetings. It is at this faithful moment that I quote Bob from checkout lane #3.

"Hey motherfucker”.
That shit is disgusting."

The saga began as any legendary story would. The tequila was flowing, pastry dishes littered the bathroom counter and the harmonica sang its faithful tune to the deaf mute sitting on the white floral couch. Why Edwardo was there in the first place never really came into my immediate awareness as tidy Colombians with no hangups about double dipping are usually pretty OK with me. It was after a particularly beautiful rendition of Chopin's Nocturne in G minor, that hunger began its slow march over the empty cascades of my throbbing stomach.

"It seems the taquitos are running low Escobar. What say you? Shall we hit the grocery mart?"

Edwardo, who I only assume was lost in the thralls of Chopins beauty, stared blankly at the ceiling, glazed unmoving homogenized eyes filled with rapture.

"Si Edwardo, Si. You are correct. The steed will react too unfavorably to another rider, its hooves move much too fast and for real dude I only have one helmet. I really don't want to get another ticket. I hope you understand man."

Edwardo, the sweet Colombian he was, indicated he understood my plight with a gentle flopping of his body. He reminded me of a fish I once caught at summer camp, its slimy cold skin protruding far from its bony ribs while lips exhausted themselves from the heavy repetitive work. Up and down. Up and down its body went, eyes finally rolling away into the darkness beyond.

"Yes Edwardo, it is only after 10 hours that I finally understand your strange customs. You are a man of immense beauty my friend and I hope your soul, yes, I hope it shines on with the flames of a thousand suns."

With that goodbye I flew out of the house and rode hard to the edge of the road where a stop sign lay poised ready to strike.

"HALT!" the red dragon screamed, "YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASS!"

"What foul treachery is this?" I whispered feverishly. "Does this nave not know who lays before it? I believe such idiocy could only be the result of some new witchery which I am not yet aware of. Perhaps a good hee-haw will show this beast who is champion here! AT YOU MONSTER!"

With a battle cry gurgling out of my chapped lips I swung my horse around and charged towards the awaiting enemy. It was a vicious battle dear reader, oh my. The sounds of metal and scraping hooves filled the morning air. It was after many seconds that I finally achieved victory and although my steed lay bare at my feet I arose refreshed, head held high with the satisfaction of a job well done.

There remained only three things on my mind at this point. Edwardo, taquitos and the opportunity to collect some Airmile points. There was only one place in the entirety of the kingdom where such riches gathered, the local Safeway and I knew I had to get there.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Universe and U

I havnt written anything in a while as this has been a very busy week for me, but I did come across this wonderful quote by Nikola Tesla that I felt compeled to share.

“I do not think there is any thrill that can go through the human heart like that felt by the inventor as he sees some creation of the brain unfolding to success... Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything.”

Maybe Tesla was talking about that one transidental force which shatters your bones into fragments of pleasure and pain. A feeling so pure, that all conditions of the human heart close their eyes for a second or two. Perhaps, that is what it's like when a mother finally gives birth to her first born. A gasp of air and moment of utter calm mixed into one. Life finally defined.

Imagine a boatman hunched over his naked feet, stick in hand with food flopping nearby. His wrinkled face squints at the setting sun while her long luxurious red hair falls over the distant valley peaks. A smile dances on an otherwise empty stage and like a boulder, this feeling remains firm. No crashing rivers will inch this stone, as no tumultous storms will erode his earth.

Mr. Tesla would be proud.

PS: Good call on the "KT Tunstall" Alef. Yes, I am scamming on your labtop. :)

Here is a peice of advice:

Save your shit when you blog.

Use a proper word document because sometimes you use other peoples labtops, write something you think is good and then hit the back button. This causes everything to be deleted which creates much frustration (especially since I hate editing) and pain to already throbbing head.

I am tempted to try and re-create the piece but I am entirely too upset to continue with blogspot today. I hate computers so much sometimes.

Edit* I found it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Racism makes the world go round.

A truck driver is driving down the road, when he sees two black guys with a broken-down bicycle. It's starting to rain so he pulls over to offer a ride.

"Yeah man, our bicycle is broken down, both of us we needs a ride."

Ok, says the truck driver, but I don't have room in the cab so you'll have to ride in the trailer.

I also have a whole load of bowling balls in the back, so you'll have to squeeze in.

A few miles later he gets pulled over by two troopers. One trooper is checking the tires, the brakes and when he opens the back doors, he yells out "emergency! seal off the area" the other trooper comes running to see what's the problem.

"He got a truck load of nigger eggs, two of them hatched, and they've already stolen a bike!

Monday, August 10, 2009

A few moments ago, I had 0 friends online.

As this is the first time something of this magnitude has occurred, I am not entirely sure what to feel. Although there is salvation in knowing that I won't have to fret about the, "oh man I really should talk to this person" mentality, there is also great trepidation which arises in the fact that NO-ONE IS ONLINE!

What happens when I run into an internet emergency huh? Who do IM when when I find out Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite? Who do I IM when I see a Kansas fratboy do something especially stupid on youtube? WHO FACEBOOK?! WHO??

What happens if I run into the next 2 girls 1 cup? What? Do you expect me to use email you communist bastards?!




I am so stressed right now.

Rising from the ashes the phoenix takes its first breath

I should start to edit.

My shit comes out smelling nicer.

*Edit: I did some editing.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Ghosts of City Soliel.

The Chimeras filter out from their homes and meander their way through an alley maze of derelict shacks. On tin rooftops and through back lanes they walk, relinquishing their control to the perfect union of man and ghost. Sub machine guns glint in the moonlight and hurried steps pitter patter across the hard pavement dirt. Aristide has finally fallen and the Labanye are starting to take their final stand against Aristides thugs. 2pac and Biley are in danger of loosing their lives but more importantly their hold on a crumbling city.

Called the worlds most dangerous place in 2001, Haiti houses violence, greed and corruption. This is an island where a throat is slit without a second glance and a life changed with a single bullet. What could possible happen to a people who look for a redemption song in a city where none can sing?


PS: Amazing doc. Watch it.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Nick and Norahs Infinite Playlist

First of all, this was a super cute movie and it also fueled my intense desire for a New York life. Like I said before, I desperately crave that city and watching this flick has definitely added wood to an already escalating blaze.

Damn it all batman. Damn it all.

Waiting on the world to change.

When you live life in a bubble wrapped world you tend to forget that war, strife and real anguish exist. I realize its all relative but know there remains a world outside your shattered mirror. Maybe this picture puts things into perspective.

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we know about peace, more about killing than we know about living. We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount. - Omar N. Bradley

Guess what? Im not a robot.

Gregusse (22 hours ago)
This is the kind of girl that can effortlessly turn a guy crazy.

Keep an eye on this girl, cause she is going to blow up.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Time without consequence

I wonder how it is that we meet people who whether knowing it or not change your life?

Those sagacious individuals who nonchalantly stroll into your existence only to wrack and torture your body with spasms of velvet red. The ones who exude so much beauty and ethereal glow, that you don't mind the hypnotic waves which beckon your every step.

Creatures, who seemingly dance harmoniously through life, tapping rhythms onto an otherwise still pond.

Id like to meet more people like that.


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