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Monday, March 23, 2009

Free Wifi access in the public library. Yay!

So I am giving my dainty feet a rest after another few hours of hitting the pavement in an endless search for work. It is not as easy as my naive self once thought.

It seems I have come to Australia at an interesting time. The global recession has finally strolled into Oz with a vicious hit to the side of the head. The flooding and fires in the south (where I currently am) doesn't help the situation any either. My funds are dwindling to the point of no return. Money needs to start making its way into my pocket very soon or I fear I might have to come home. Technically speaking I actually am in the negative, but that's why god invented credit cards! High five for debt and ridiculous interest rates! Also, it turns out that there was a large hiring binge that occurred 20 days ago (which I clearly missed) and the next big one is expected to happen sometime in June or July.

Sigh. What has it been? 2 months? Not even. Granted I took almost no money with me and it has been quite a miracle that I have survived here this long, what with the incessant partying and obscene amount of drinking. But I don't want to leave yet!


In all honesty I have no one to blame except for myself. The first month and a half I did nothing but party, and then party some more. I drank, ingested different substances, met alot of people, and generally had a fantastic/hazy time. There were people (who I probably wont ever see again), that I now consider life long friends. They were catalysts for certain realizations within my own psyche that I did not know existed and without them I would still be walking through life eyes half closed (contrary to what people in Vancouver may think).

I met gangsters, reformed drug addicts, actual drug addicts, whores, nerds, cranky old women, successful 50+ year old stoners, alcoholics, the content, the scared, the ones searching, the ones who think they found, and the ones who think its just enough to do the bare minimum and survive.

I regret none of it.

I came to Australia on a whim. I gave up my job, my apartment, my friends....everything. All because something clicked inside of my head. A two hour discussion about travel, turned into an a moment in time that few have had the chance to experience or even balls to try. I'm pretty damn proud of myself and I have nothing left to prove. This is me shining bright.

There might be a few people saying, "I told you so", well...fuck you? I really couldn't care what you think. Let me ask you this, how often have you laid everything on the line not knowing if your going to make it or not? How often have you just walked to where your feet need to be walked to? How often have you just sat down and listened to what you heart says, and then actually done it?! Why are you so goddamn afraid?

Granted, I know I have a home to go back to. My parents (the amazing people they are) have given me their full support and there is no substitute for that kind of love. But, I came to Australia to excel. To find that drive, that push to go over the top and soar. I am renewed. Throw it at my face and I will wipe it away and keep walking forward.

I still have some time. I will keep searching and I will keep working my ass off. I have no issues with that. But something has changed. I have changed. I am ready.

While, white horses,
They will take me away,
And the tenderness I feel,
Will send the dark underneath,
Will I follow?

1 comment:

Mo said...

LYVM and miss you a lot



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